Like a Mother

Redefining Motherhood

Business

Dear Washington Post: I Built a Business and Lasting Friendships with Multi-Level Marketing

A Washington Post article making the rounds right now claims that multi-level marketing (MLM, or network marketing) organizations are ruining female friendships. The author cited a few specific stories of bad examples, and those who don’t see the value in the MLM business model quickly shared it with glee while relating their own stories about that one time someone misled them with a sales pitch.

I’m not going to deny that some people in network marketing businesses operate without morals and use tactics that, quite frankly, suck. And when that happens, it makes everyone in the industry look bad.

But there are people in EVERY industry who do their jobs in a way that makes their field look bad. Ever heard a lawyer joke? Know any lawyers who aren’t ambulance-chasing snakes? Yes? Me too. In fact, most of the lawyers I know are honest and moral business men and women. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever actually met an ambulance chaser. Ever.

Similarly, despite the Washington Post portrait of people in MLM, I have met many honest, hard-working, strong, wonderful women through my experiences with network marketing. I joined my first network marketing company after the birth of my third child. My family had relocated to the Philadelphia area a year before, and I worked from home prior to his birth. I knew very few people in the area, and I was lonely and looking for a way to get out of my house.

That first company opened a door for me. It got me to step out of my comfort zone. I signed up to be a vendor at community events, and I joined networking groups. Most importantly, I made friends — most of whom I’m still connected with now.

After a few years, I moved on, but my friendships remained because they were built on more than just a sales pitch. I had built real relationships with good people both inside and outside the industry. And when the time came, when one of those friends presented another network marketing opportunity that fit with my life and values, I jumped on it.

I can’t speak for all network marketers, only for myself and how I coach my team to succeed. My philosophy is pretty simple: don’t be a jerk. Treat people the way you want to be treated in business and in life, no matter what business you’re in. It’s a simple philosophy that has helped me simultaneously build my business and my friendships.

My 2018 Word for the Year: Nourish

Last year, I jumped on the bandwagon of replacing resolutions with selecting a word for the year. My word for 2017 was freedom, and for the first half of the year, I embraced it and let it guide me. I wrote openly and honestly, I followed my heart, and I sought new opportunities that helped me find the freedom to be me.

And then, on July 10th, my Dad died. I became the peanut butter in the sandwich generation, shifting immediately into caretaker mode for my mother who has her own health issues, and my freedom to think, write, act, and follow my own path took a backseat to all the things that had to be done, and to the people who needed me.

If you’ve ever taken one of those quizzes that identifies your personality type, mine is NOT caretaker. It’s not even close to caretaker. It’s not something that comes easily to me at all. However, it’s something I’ve been doing for 12 years since the birth of my first son with special needs, so I’ve adapted and learned to do what doesn’t come easily, but that doesn’t mean I like it.

And when life hands me something I don’t like, I get overwhelmed, and I shut down. I procrastinate. I don’t take care of myself. I ruminate. I obsess. I don’t sleep. I eat like crap. I get stuck in the downward spiral of my monkey mind, and I let negativity win.

I noticed myself making more impulse buys. I was binge eating again. I was dropping the ball, often. I didn’t follow through on commitments. I also felt like total crap. I got sick. My body wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy. And I’m still not happy.

I don’t always practice what I preach, and when a friend is stuck with something, I’ll often say, “You can be bitter, or you can be better.” Lately though, I’ve been bitter.

Now it’s time to be better.

And by better, I mean better to myself.

Nourish

Why did I choose nourish as my word?

I sat with myself and thought of all the things I wanted to gain from this coming year. Words that emerged were: grounded, balance, self-care, success, rest, and choice.

I looked at those, and it was obvious that I needed to focus on bringing myself back to center, but I also launched a new business in 2017 that is thriving. And if I want that growth to continue, it will need more of my attention. What word could support that growth and success, but also support my self-care?

And that’s when I found nourish. Nourish fit all that I’m hoping to achieve in 2018.

I will nourish myself. I’ll nourish my body with healthier food choices, and more regular physical activity, and with more rest.

I will nourish my soul by exploring new spiritual practices and making time to meditate. My soul also longs to explore new places, and nourishing my wanderlust is important, so I will find ways to travel more.

I will also nourish my business. I’ll focus on opportunities, and when presented with them, I will ask the questions, “Does this nourish my business? Will this help me grow?” I’ll also nourish the team I’ve built with training and encouragement.

In addition, I need to nourish the relationships in my life. The time I spend with my children — is it meaningful? Does it nourish our relationship? My relationship with my husband has lacked intimacy, so I will look at ways I can nourish that need as well. And my friendships… I did a lot of taking from my friends in 2017. I needed them, and they were there for me. Now I will return that favor and nourish those relationships that mean the most to me.

When I break down all the ways I can add nourishment, it actually seems like a bit too much. Can I really add all of this to my life this year? But the truth is that even if each area is only improved in small way, I’ll be more satisfied with my life, and I will be happier. Nourishing the areas that have been neglected will only make me better, and life is too short to be bitter.

Success and the Fear of Failing

Not too long ago my husband and I went to the driving range. I’m not a golfer, at all, but it’s something my husband enjoys, and it’s something I can tolerate, so we have found it to be a good day-date activity.

I had hit maybe 20 balls, and I was nearing the end of my golf ball hitting tolerance, but I decided to hit one more. I lined up my club and took the shot. It was perfect – well perfect for me at least – 175 yards straight down the middle – a beautiful shot!

I set my club down, looked at my husband and said, “That’s it. I’m done. I want to end on that note.” I walked over the bench and sat down while he finished hitting the rest of the bucket.

After we left, I thought back on that moment. How often do we do that in life? We have that one successful moment, and we think, “This is my one success. How could I ever repeat it? I don’t want to try again because I’m afraid I’ll fail.”

That fear of failure is what holds us back so often from the things we want to do, even if we have had success. Some people believe that success breeds more success, but sometimes success can actually be detrimental to our motivation and the way that we pursue things in the future.

What I have found over the years is that famous Wayne Gretzky quote is true, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” I missed every single one of those next golf shots because I didn’t take them. I didn’t try.

How many shots do you miss each day?

You need to honor your successes. You need to be grateful that they happened. You need to carry them with you, but you cannot be afraid to take that next shot!

Step up, take that next shot – and take it like a mother!