Like a Mother

Redefining Motherhood

Taking Care of You

Shopping Amazon? Don’t forget about your nails!

 

Nail care is important. Before becoming a Color Street Stylist, I rarely did my nails, and didn’t give a second thought to my nail health despite having dry, cracked cuticles, and nails that were prone to breaking. But as I began to give myself regular manicures, I realized my nails needed a little more TLC. Here are four products I purchase through Amazon that I use to help me maintain my nail health.

This post contains affiliate links. Prices current as of 8/21/19.

 

Mineral Fusion Nail Polish Remover

This is THE BEST nail polish remover I’ve found! Not only is it non-acetone and non-drying for your nails, but it smells amazing and it works to remove even your favorite glitter polishes! It’s currently 15% off with free Prime shipping!

Nail Polish Remover Clips

Want to make polish removal even easier? Pick up a set of Nail Polish Remover Clips for $6.99 and free shipping! Use the included pads with a little bit of the Mineral Fusion Nail Polish Remover, wait 1-2 minutes, and then squeeze and pull-off. Your polish will slide off your nails, with little to no scrubbing required!

Glass Nail File

Did you know that using a glass nail file like this one can improve nail strength? Regular use has shown to strengthen and harden nails allowing you to grow longer nails! It takes a little getting used to, but I’ve definitely noticed a difference since making the switch to a glass file. (And if you want one for free, ask me about hosting a Nail Bar!)

Bliss Kiss Simply Pure Cuticle & Nail Oil

Over a thousand rave reviews on Amazon can’t be wrong! I have always had weak nails due to an underlying health condition, so after reading about Bliss Kiss Simply Pure Cuticle & Nail Oil, I had to give it a try. It definitely delivers! And the convenient pens are great for taking with you anywhere you go. Pro tip to cuticle pickers like myself — keep this bad boy with you so when anxiety strikes and you get the urge to pick, you can grab this bad boy instead and apply it forming a new habit! (I bought the multipack so I can keep one in my purse, my desk, next to my bed, and in my travel bag!)

Nail care is essential to having a great long-lasting manicure! Of course I don’t buy my polish on Amazon — if you want to know more about that, just ask me about my nails! 

How Becoming an Independent Color Street Stylist Helped Me Get My Groove Back

Never Say Never

When I started this blog I talked about how Network Marketing brought me to Networking. While that initial business, and a second, had both gone by the wayside, I still loved the community I built through it, and I continued to support my friends in their network marketing businesses. I honestly never though I would return to it, but never say never!

Last spring I was having coffee with a good friend when she told me about being approached to join a soon-to-be-launched company called Color Street. She told me a little about it, and while the thought of being part of something from the beginning intrigued me, I didn’t think the opportunity was for me. But I was truly excited for her and promised to support her in any way that I could!

A few weeks later, after she had officially signed on as a Presidential Founder, she hosted an exclusive preview party of the new product. I kept my promise and went to show my support.

And then I actually tried the product, a strip made of real nail polish that went on dry, and I went from intrigued to sold!

A New Adventure Begins

In June of 2017, Color Street officially launched with me as one of their Independent Founding Stylists. I was so excited to get started because I truly loved the product and knew that it would appeal to busy moms like me, but also because I knew this business had potential. In my opinion, for a direct sales product to be successful, it has to meet three criteria:

1) Be Marketable

2) Be Consumable

3) Have Perceived Value

Color Street met all my criteria! The product appeals to anyone who likes to have their nails painted, which according to Statista.com is over 105 million women in the United States. The nail industry is an almost $9 billion industry. Is there a market for this product? YES!

Second, I wanted a product that was consumable. In my past experience I had partnered with a company that had a super-fun product that I loved selling, and for my first few months in the business, I was a top seller in the company. But the product was a one-and-done purchase. Unless you were buying for others, or wanted a slightly different style, repeat buyers were difficult to capture. While you should always be looking for new customers, repeat buyers are an important part of any business, and the constant prospecting for new customers can be daunting. Nail polish doesn’t last forever, and our nail polish strips are fun, fast, and easy, so repeat buyers are the bread and butter of my business!

My last criteria is value. I was only going back to direct sales if I could stand behind the value of the product. A one-time-use package of Color Street nail polish strips costs $11 – $14, but with the ongoing Buy 3 Get 1 Free special, you can get four sets for less than $40, averaging at less than $10 per manicure, which is about the same price as a bottle of nail polish. But it is way less than a traditional salon manicure, which averages around $20 in the United States. And many customers are able to do a complete manicure and pedicure from one package. Also, what’s your time worth? As a working mom of three, I don’t have time to wait for my nails to dry. With Color Street, I can do my nails in 10 minutes before I go to bed. And with no dry time, I can pull up the covers and go right to sleep without worry that the bedding will mess up my polish.

A Year Later

It’s officially been a year since I launched my Color Street business, and what a year it’s been. There were unexpected challenges in my personal life including the unexpected passing of my father, helping my mother navigate her new role as a widow, the hospitalization of my oldest son, and a diagnosis of dyslexia for my daughter. Despite these things and others, my business has thrived! I have grown a team of over 500 amazing Stylists and in July of 2018 our team’s lifetime sales volume surpassed $1 million! And we are just getting started!

Also in July 2018 Color Street held their annual conference in Las Vegas. I was invited to share my story of how Color Street has affected my life. In a nutshell, it gave me my groove back. I never intended to be a full-time stay-at-home-mom, but life had other plans when it gave me my son Bobby. Over the years, I’ve struggled with my identity and self-worth. My business has allowed me to see myself as more, to regain my prior confidence, to find purpose in helping other men and women succeed, and to be the women I know I’m meant to be while still being the mom I need to be. (To see my full speech, click here.)

Curious? Ask Me About My Nails!

Half of you are reading this and thinking, “Oh, great, now all the content is just going to be about her business. Girl, bye!” Let me assure that won’t be the case. The blog started as a forum to share badassery and celebrate moms who get shit done, and this business is just one aspect of my badass life. I’ll still be talking special needs, sandwich generation, raising little humans, and all the things. But yes, there will be a few posts about this business too.

The other half of you are reading this and thinking, “What if?” And to you I say, “Why not?” If you want to learn about the business without actually talking to me, join my Facebook group, Ask Me About My Nails, and start stalking the business there. If you’re ready to learn more, let’s chat. I promise I’m not pushy or salesy. I’m real, and I’m honest, and I’m the first to understand if you say it’s not for you. I’d love you just as much as a customer or a hostess as I would as a Stylist on my team.

If you take nothing else from this post, don’t overlook an opportunity in front of you, no matter what it is. Don’t let your circumstances allow you to pass by something that could be amazing. Don’t let fear stand in your way. The most amazing things happen on the outside of our comfort zones. That thing you’ve been thinking about doing that you just haven’t pulled the trigger on yet could be the one that helps you get your groove back too!

Choosing My Motherhood

I remember sitting with my friends for our first girls’ weekend about eight months after my oldest son was born with all of his challenges. It was the first time since his stay in the neonatal intensive care nursery that I had been away from him overnight, and I was relieved and grateful for the getaway.
 
Over the previous months, I’d heard the platitudes over and over… I don’t know how you do it… You’re so strong… You’re an inspiration. I didn’t believe any of them, but I politely said, thank you.
 
But that weekend I heard those things from my three best friends, and the words stung. I replied back, “What other choice do I have? It’s not like I can walk away!”
 
“Yes, you could,” one friend replied, “but you don’t.”

Was that true? Did I really have a choice?

About a year after my son was born, I made another choice, or rather presented that choice to my husband for him to decide. We would stop, and our son would be an only child, or we would have two more children. Because of my life as an only child with a mother who had her own medical needs, it became very important to me that our second child have an ally when things got tough as I knew they inevitably would.
 
Fast forward, and now I’m the mom of three. A choice I made with them in mind, without taking my own wants and needs into account. Not realizing that at the end of the day, I was choosing a life I wasn’t sure I actually wanted.
 
Motherhood is hard for me. I don’t love it. I absolutely love these three humans I helped create, but each day it’s a choice I make to step into the role of being a mother, to take on that title, and to do that job.

Each day I choose not to walk away.

Self-care is a hot topic in the mom community and especially the special needs mom community, many talking about not having the time or ability for self-care, or lamenting that a pedicure isn’t going to make their life better.
 
And I agree, to a degree. Self-care is more than a pedicure. Truly caring for yourself is an individual act of kindness and gratitude to yourself, and it may require you to do things you’ve never done before, or that others might look down on.

For me, self-care looks like this:

Self-care is admitting that motherhood is hard for me, and accepting that it is okay for me to not like being a mom despite society telling me otherwise.
 
Self-care is working and paying for childcare because being the default parent 24/7 is detrimental to my mental health.
 
Self-care is flying in my mother-in-law up to help with my kids so I can travel to a conference in California and learn and laugh with women who get me and my struggle.
 
Self-care is making time to fill my cup and realizing it was emptier than I thought and that I might need to fill it more often.
 
Self-care is recognizing that it’s not too late to do the things that I dreamed of doing, and that my children seeing me take steps towards those dreams is not selfish, but a life-lesson.
  
Somewhere over the years the definition of motherhood became synonymous with martyrdom and selfless became the opposite of selfish. I’m not buying into either. Yes, there’s a level of sacrifice that comes with being a mother, but we don’t have to lose ourselves completely. I tell my daughter that she can do anything if she takes action and does the work, why can’t the same be true for me? And why does society think it’s wrong if I give myself the same encouragement that I give her? It’s not.

I’m doubling down on and.

I can be a good mother and not love motherhood.

I can be a good mother and work towards my dreams.

I can be a good mother and live a fulfilled life outside of motherhood.

I can be a mother without being a martyr.
I can be both selfless and selfish.
I can be my own version of motherhood.

My 2018 Word for the Year: Nourish

Last year, I jumped on the bandwagon of replacing resolutions with selecting a word for the year. My word for 2017 was freedom, and for the first half of the year, I embraced it and let it guide me. I wrote openly and honestly, I followed my heart, and I sought new opportunities that helped me find the freedom to be me.

And then, on July 10th, my Dad died. I became the peanut butter in the sandwich generation, shifting immediately into caretaker mode for my mother who has her own health issues, and my freedom to think, write, act, and follow my own path took a backseat to all the things that had to be done, and to the people who needed me.

If you’ve ever taken one of those quizzes that identifies your personality type, mine is NOT caretaker. It’s not even close to caretaker. It’s not something that comes easily to me at all. However, it’s something I’ve been doing for 12 years since the birth of my first son with special needs, so I’ve adapted and learned to do what doesn’t come easily, but that doesn’t mean I like it.

And when life hands me something I don’t like, I get overwhelmed, and I shut down. I procrastinate. I don’t take care of myself. I ruminate. I obsess. I don’t sleep. I eat like crap. I get stuck in the downward spiral of my monkey mind, and I let negativity win.

I noticed myself making more impulse buys. I was binge eating again. I was dropping the ball, often. I didn’t follow through on commitments. I also felt like total crap. I got sick. My body wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy. And I’m still not happy.

I don’t always practice what I preach, and when a friend is stuck with something, I’ll often say, “You can be bitter, or you can be better.” Lately though, I’ve been bitter.

Now it’s time to be better.

And by better, I mean better to myself.

Nourish

Why did I choose nourish as my word?

I sat with myself and thought of all the things I wanted to gain from this coming year. Words that emerged were: grounded, balance, self-care, success, rest, and choice.

I looked at those, and it was obvious that I needed to focus on bringing myself back to center, but I also launched a new business in 2017 that is thriving. And if I want that growth to continue, it will need more of my attention. What word could support that growth and success, but also support my self-care?

And that’s when I found nourish. Nourish fit all that I’m hoping to achieve in 2018.

I will nourish myself. I’ll nourish my body with healthier food choices, and more regular physical activity, and with more rest.

I will nourish my soul by exploring new spiritual practices and making time to meditate. My soul also longs to explore new places, and nourishing my wanderlust is important, so I will find ways to travel more.

I will also nourish my business. I’ll focus on opportunities, and when presented with them, I will ask the questions, “Does this nourish my business? Will this help me grow?” I’ll also nourish the team I’ve built with training and encouragement.

In addition, I need to nourish the relationships in my life. The time I spend with my children — is it meaningful? Does it nourish our relationship? My relationship with my husband has lacked intimacy, so I will look at ways I can nourish that need as well. And my friendships… I did a lot of taking from my friends in 2017. I needed them, and they were there for me. Now I will return that favor and nourish those relationships that mean the most to me.

When I break down all the ways I can add nourishment, it actually seems like a bit too much. Can I really add all of this to my life this year? But the truth is that even if each area is only improved in small way, I’ll be more satisfied with my life, and I will be happier. Nourishing the areas that have been neglected will only make me better, and life is too short to be bitter.

4 Ways to Be Kind to Yourself

It’s National Kindness Day. Personally, I think everyday should be National Kindness Days. Kindness matters. It feels like there is a lot of negativity in the world, and spreading a little love each day is one way I try to to balance the constant negative noise.

But as much as I do my best to do some small acts of kindness each day, there’s one person with whom my kindness often falls short. Me.

While I’m often the first to remind myself that I don’t know someone else’s story, and to offer grace and compassion instead of being annoyed by someone’s rudeness, I rarely offer myself that same grace and compassion.

I criticize myself constantly. I feed myself full of negative thoughts about everything from what I’m wearing, to how much I weigh, to how much I yell at my kids, to really anything about my looks/work/parenting/life in which I can possibly find fault.

It’s exhausting and unproductive and is seriously a big downer. So I’ve started focusing on ways I can be kind to myself.

Here are four ways I have found to be more kind to yourself today and everyday:

1) Accept a compliment.

How often do you accept a compliment without a qualifier? For example if someone tells you that you like great, do you say, “Oh, really? I feel like a slob. I really need to get my roots done, and I didn’t even shower today, and this shirt is like ten years old — it’s even missing a button right here — I really am just a hot mess of a mom.”

I know, I do it too.

What you should say is, “Thank you.” That’s it. It’s kind to let someone else pay you a compliment.

2) Slow down.

I’m most stressed when I have a long to-do list, and that stress usually leads to me rushing, and that rushing usually leads to more stress, and that leads to feeling overwhelmed, and that leads me making mistakes and missing things, and that leads to feeling like a burned out failure.

When this starts to happen, I have to stop and remind myself that not everything has to be done immediately. If I slow down and take a moment, I can focus on what needs to be done, release the sense of overwhelm, and set myself up for success when I tackle the tasks that must be completed.

3) Make time for something you love.

As moms, we constantly being told about self-care. “Put your oxygen mask on first!” But seriously, you need to do a little something that you love. Motherhood is not synonymous with martyrdom. When you became a mom, you didn’t stop being you. Even if you can find just five minutes a day to do something you enjoy — read a celebrity gossip article, listen to your favorite song, sit quietly in silence before the kids get off the bus — make the time to do one thing you love that is just for you.

4) Forgive yourself.

Beating yourself up for losing your patience with the kids this morning? Stop and think about it this way: what would you say to your best friend if she was saying the same things about herself that you’re saying about yourself? I would tell my friend that parenting is hard, and some days are harder than others, and we all lose our patience now and then. Bad moments don’t make bad moms. Take a breath, and try again.

As I said earlier, kindness matters. Being kind to yourself is one way to show yourself that you matter too.

A Marvelous Night for a Moondance

I have always loved the moon and felt connected to it. I can’t exactly tell you why, but I’m a night person, and there’s nothing better to me than laying on the ground and staring up in the night sky, especially if you are far away from the city lights.

Despite this love for all things lunar, I’ve never really studied the moon, nor do I know off the top of my head it’s phase. Usually though I can feel when the full moon is near based on certain events. So today, when a voice from my past called, I suspected something was cosmically afoot.

Then a post by a friend linking to an article about tonight’s Full Frost Moon, also known as the Mourning Moon brought tied all the pieces together saying “your psyche could probably use a little love and attention.” And damn if that ain’t the truth!

The article on Refinery29 laid out four specific areas, and I’ve decided to take each one and share what I’ll be doing to transition to this next lunar phase.

1) Consider how you mourn.

Ahhh, mourning. You would think I’ve done a lot of that lately with the loss of my father that was followed by the loss of a friend and just this past week the loss of my husband’s friend. But I haven’t. I haven’t really allowed myself to sit with my emotions. So tonight, I’m committing to a good cry.

2) Brave the cold.

We had a relatively warm day here in the northeast U.S., but as I mentioned about, getting outside to observe the night sky is one of my favorite things, and it’s something I haven’t done in… damn, I can’t even remember the last time I just stopped and went outside to look at the sky. So tonight, I’ll step outside.

3) Cleanse.

Everything in my life feels cluttered right now. My brain, my house, my work, my body. I’m holding on to so much, and I’ve been feeling the need to cleanse. Just this week I started a class on Facebook to help clear my chakras and raise my vibe. (Don’t act surprised. I just told you earlier that I feel the moon. You know I’m one of those woo-woo chicks.) Anyway, step one in the week long class was to clear the energy. Did I? No. I have a brand new blessed sage smudge stick, but my house is so cluttered that I don’t even want to cleanse the energy. But maybe if I cleansed the energy, I’d clean up the damn house. So tonight, I’ll be lighting that sage.

4) Send a message.

This one starts off with, “full moons bring personal truths to light — even those we keep closest to the vest.” Then it talks about sharing how you really feel with a friend or loved one, and then it says, “and don’t overlook those who have already passed on.” Oh, shit. This is the Mourning Moon after all, which appears to be the perfect time to say the things I wish I could have said to my dad. So tonight, I’m writing my dad a letter.

I believe the universe brings us what we need when we need it, and it’s up to us to see those things and accept or ignore them. Tonight I’ll honor the signs and honor the moon.

Finding my badass when I just feel bad (or like an ass)

Not going to lie, the first months of 2017 weren’t my best. I could list the series of unfortunate events that made me feel like a total failure as a mom, wife and friend lately, but why torture myself? Let’s just leave it at the fact that I wasn’t exactly living up to my self-given label of being a badass. I pretty much have just been bad. And on some days, I’ve just been an ass. But badassery was nowhere to be found.

The good news is that I recognized it. Losing my badassness is a sign to me that I’m losing myself, and that my depression and the negative voices in my head are taking over and blocking the joy in my life. And when those negative voices take over, the strong and encouraging ones that keep me at my badass best, fall silent.

When I see the fog of depression lurking and itching to take over my life, I have two choices: I can let it, and sink into that dark and scary place I’ve been to before. Or I can tell it to fuck off and start taking the steps to find my badass self again. The decision isn’t always as simple as it should be. Sinking is easy, moving through the fog is a lot of work.

Thankfully, I made the decision to do the work.

The first step for me is admitting that I’m in the fog… again. The voice in my head likes to remind me what a fuck-up I am for letting myself get here… again. (Like seriously, why didn’t you recognize you were heading in this direction a few months ago when it would have been easier to fix?) But despite that, I admit it, to myself, that I am, in fact, here… again.

Then it’s on to the next step – telling that voice in my head to go fuck itself. I don’t owe you, or anyone, an explanation. Shit happens, and I’m here. Deal with it.

(Just rereading that last paragraph tells me that my inner badass is still in there. Damn I missed her!)

Dealing with it is step three, which means asking for help. And for me this means reaching out to my therapist. That’s right folks, I got to therapy! Right now I go every-other week because that’s what I need to do. Because let’s be honest, telling myself I’ll figure this out on my own is just another lie from the voice in my head. It sounds like a fine idea, and logically I know that if I ate cleaner, exercised more, got outside more, wrote more, meditated more, and spent more time with friends, then yes, I probably could find my way out of the fog. But when I’m in the fog, despite all the logical things I know I should and could do, I don’t do them. Period. That’s why I need my therapist.

But why not just talk to your friends, Lynne?

I have some awesome, amazing, non-judging, totally supportive, kick-ass friends. But sometimes, you need a professional who will listen, won’t judge, but will call you out on your bullshit, and give you a plan for shutting down the negative voices so you can awaken the sleeping badass – because she’s still in there, I promise.

And the good news is that my sleeping badass is finally waking up!

She is still a little groggy from her long nap. (She probably needs more coffee.) But now that she’s back, I’m trying to take better care of her and keep her safe. She’s working on great things!

Back to the Mat: Restorative Yoga with Dana Falsetti

I haven’t set foot in a yoga studio in over a year. The last time I attempted a yoga class, I walked into a room full of skinny people wearing Lululemon, and felt completely out of place in my XL athletic wear from Target. I spent the entire class worrying about how awful I looked, how inflexible I was, and how everyone MUST be staring at me, and I never went back.

The last time I regularly practiced yoga was before the birth of my first child, more than 11 years ago. I did prenatal yoga two or three times a week and loved it. But then my son was born with all of his complications and challenges, and life happened, and more kids happened, and getting back to a yoga practice fell far down the priority list.

Last week, my friend Nikki, a local yoga teacher, posted on Facebook about her studio’s workshops with Dana Falsetti. I had seen Dana’s viral video a while back, and felt inspired to try yoga again, but seeing the post that she was coming to a studio less than three miles from my house is what finally got my ass back on the mat last night.

I signed up for the Restorative Yoga class because that sounded like the easiest of the three workshops being offered. I arrived early (yes, my notoriously late self showed up early) and selected a spot right across from Dana not knowing what to expect. I anxiously sat and waited for the class to begin.

Dana opened the class by sharing her story of how she came to find herself through yoga and start living an authentic life. Every word she said resonated and the tears began to come. Her message of authenticity and self-love is one I’ve heard many times, but it’s not one that I’m living.

My thoughts went back and forth between being inspired and being totally jealous because here she was with so much wisdom and confidence at 23, and here I am all jacked-up at 41. At 23, I was a mess. I had just come out of an abusive relationship. I was working an ungodly amount of hours for next to nothing. I was burned out and depressed and absolutely clueless about who I was. Meanwhile, here I am 18 years later and not much of that last sentence has changed.

After Dana’s talk, some Q&A and a few more tears, we got started with the poses for the evening. As I mentioned before, I selected the restorative yoga session because it seemed like it would be easy. And while I wasn’t stuck holding some shaky leg position for far too long or attempting a handstand, it was anything but easy for me.

The purpose of restorative yoga is to center your breath and body, aligning the physical and the mental, by practicing stillness for extended periods of time.

Stillness is not something that comes easy for my body or my mind.

As I settled into the first pose, my mind wandered from what was I going to post on Instagram about this experience, to this blog post, to wondering why I can’t quit eating carbs, and why my daughter won’t listen to me… I was all over the place.

Then I heard Dana’s voice, “If your mind starts to wander, bring it back to the mat.” Um, yeah, easier said than done.

My mind continued to wander… “I wonder if my feet smell funny to the person next to me. I should have faced the other direction. Why don’t I know what the hell I’m doing? Is she pissed that my feet are near her face? It’s crowded, so I hope she’s not pissed, but what if she is?”

We shifted to the other side for the second pose, again, the constant thought train, again, Dana’s voice, “If your mind starts to wander, bring it back to the mat.”

Ugh, it’s like she knows… okay, mind, back to the mat. “Is my mat good enough to be here? I hope it’s not falling apart. I’ve had this mat for a while. I got it for boot camp. I haven’t been to boot camp in so long. I can’t believe I stopped going. I totally suck. I want to go back, but I’m going to die when I do. I can’t go back until I can really commit. I’m not ready. But I need to go. I should go tomorrow. Wait, my mind is wandering again. WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO KEEP MY MIND FROM WANDERING?!!”

Seriously. I was pretty sure I was missing the point.

The third pose was a wall pose that was slightly comical to get into in a crowded room. So there were some giggles and laughter and side comments made that for traditional yogis were probably annoying, but for me were just what I needed to break the tension in my head. I somehow scooted my ass against the wall and got my legs up and settled into the pose. My hamstrings were stretched in a way they usually aren’t, and the stretch felt good but challenging.

And then the thoughts started again, but this time, I stopped them. I repeated in my head, “I surrender these thoughts. I surrender to this moment. I am here on my mat.”

I have no idea what prompted me to start that mantra, but it’s what came to mind and it stuck. Every time a new thought appeared in my head, I repeated, “I surrender these thoughts. I surrender to this moment. I am here on my mat.”

And I was there – in the moment. Mind and body connected. Present on my mat.

I’d love to say that some magical wisdom came to me during those moments or that I transcended to another plane and became all Zen. But it didn’t, and I didn’t. But I did feel refreshed, and that feeling along with the truth bombs Dana dropped were well worth the price of admission. I thanked Dana for inspiring me to show up, and I grabbed a schedule on my way out. I’ll be back on the mat again soon.

If you want to know more about Dana, or find a workshop near you, visit her website at danafalsetti.com.

How my kids survive while I’m away (Spoiler alert, they have a DAD!)

If you read my earlier post about roaming (if you want to), then you already know I like to go away without my kids. And for the past 18 years, I’ve been getting together with my three best friends from college every MLK weekend, so I’m heading out again today.

When I tell people about my annual trip, at least one random person asks, “Who’s taking care of your kids this weekend?” to which I reply, matter-of-factly, that my husband is at home with the kids.

Random person: “Oh, and he’s okay with that?”

Me: “Um, yeah, why wouldn’t he be? He is their father.”

Thanks to countless posts, we all should know by now not to call dad the babysitter. But I still get that comment. As other writers have chided, this implies that dad’s not capable of handling the children for a few days on his own. Insulting. But it also implies that I wouldn’t want him to.

Listen, I am totally okay with dad doing it all for a few days. And yes, I’m still okay even if he doesn’t do it like I would.

Look, I can admit that the first year after having my first child, I probably went a little overboard prepping my husband for the trip when I handed him four pages of instructions. But in my defense, our first child had unique medical needs, so instructions included things like a tube-feeding schedule. His mom also lived two miles away at the time, so I knew he had back-up close by if needed, and I’m pretty sure she was there most of the weekend.

Did I worry? A little. It was the first time I left my baby other than when I had to go home each night from the NICU. But after seven traumatic months of dealing with surgeries, and tube feedings, and hospital stays, and therapies, and all the other extras my firstborn came with, a weekend away was exactly what I needed. I was able to laugh and cry and release the stress of those seven months with three people who I know love me unconditionally. It gave me the strength to go back into the trenches and handle the challenges of my reality. I will be forever grateful for that weekend!

As the years have gone by, and life has moved us eight-hours away from my mother-in-law, my husband now spends the weekend home alone with his three children. My formerly four-page list of instructions is now a half-page of bullets with only the most pertinent information like the time the bus will drop the kids off on Friday and the pediatrician’s phone number.

Does my husband do everything like I do while I’m away? Nope. Are my kids happy and cared for? Yep. Will they get out of their pajamas Saturday or Sunday? Probably not. Do I care about that? Not at all.

My husband knew going into our marriage that this was part of the deal. Girls weekend was non-negotiable. He decided I was worth it, and committed not only to me as his wife, but also to me leaving every January for a three-day weekend. It was part of the vows. (Not really, but it should have been.)

So yes, my husband has the kids this weekend. Alone. And they will survive without me for a few days. And I’m totally cool with that.

Word to Your (Like A) Mother 2017

The year we will forever know as 2016 is coming to a close. I don’t know about you, but this year has been a bit rocky for me. It started out with a bang. I had big plans, but then life threw some unexpected curve balls, and I found myself joining the throngs screaming a big old “F-you!” to 2016.

In recent years, I haven’t been one for resolutions, and quite honestly, I have never been a huge fan of New Year’s Eve or Day – too many expectations, and far too many years of watching that silly ball drop alone have made me jaded. Lately I find myself focusing on MY new year, my birthday, which was in late November. It’s a day when the only expectations are my own.

But a new trend (or at least new-to-me trend) has sparked my interest in the new year, and especially after 2016 fell a bit flat for me, I am ready to give it a try. It’s choosing a word for the coming year.

I started hearing a little about picking a word for the year last new year’s, but didn’t pay much attention. I mean, it sounded cool – picking a word as your word of the year – but how was this going to help me? I just couldn’t see it… or maybe I didn’t want to.

But the idea appeared again this year, and this time I paid attention. It popped up a few times, which is typically a sign from the universe that I need to put on my listening ears and engage with the idea. Most recently, it came in the form of a book written and shared by Nicole Lewis-Keeber and her cousin Michelle Lewis. The book is called The Resolute Word.

In the book, a short Kindle read, they share their experiences with finding and choosing a word and how it led them to start an online community. The idea wasn’t theirs exclusively, but how they are encouraging others to find their word, and the community they have built, make this idea more tangible.

My first misconception about the word of the year was that I should just pick a word, which to me seemed overwhelming. There are so many words, and so many things I’d love to see this coming year bring. How do I choose just one word? This is where The Resolute Word was incredibly helpful. Nicole and Michelle provide exercises to get the word choosing juices flowing. These ideas are things I never would have thought of, but are simple and require little more than quieting your mind and listening to yourself and the world around you.

Had you asked me before I read the book, I would have probably chosen the word love. I’m all about love, and it would seem the obvious choice for me. But love is not my word for 2017. After reading the book and doing the exercises, my word appeared like a Broadway marquis… and it’s definitely not love. What is it? You have to wait January 1st to find out!

Is the word of the year the new resolution? Who’s to say, but for me it feels right!

And if it feels right to you, I encourage you to download The Resolute Word to help you find yours. The book is free if you have Kindle Unlimited, and just $0.99 if you don’t. Also, Nicole and Michelle are donating all proceeds from the book through the end of January to help Syrian refugees, so you can help yourself with this guide, and you’ll be helping others with your purchase!

Then, come back here on January 1, 2017 to learn my word for the year, and how I came to choose it, or how it chose me, and share yours! And get ready to take on 2017 like a mother!