Like a Mother

Redefining Motherhood

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Shopping Amazon? Don’t forget about your nails!

 

Nail care is important. Before becoming a Color Street Stylist, I rarely did my nails, and didn’t give a second thought to my nail health despite having dry, cracked cuticles, and nails that were prone to breaking. But as I began to give myself regular manicures, I realized my nails needed a little more TLC. Here are four products I purchase through Amazon that I use to help me maintain my nail health.

This post contains affiliate links. Prices current as of 8/21/19.

 

Mineral Fusion Nail Polish Remover

This is THE BEST nail polish remover I’ve found! Not only is it non-acetone and non-drying for your nails, but it smells amazing and it works to remove even your favorite glitter polishes! It’s currently 15% off with free Prime shipping!

Nail Polish Remover Clips

Want to make polish removal even easier? Pick up a set of Nail Polish Remover Clips for $6.99 and free shipping! Use the included pads with a little bit of the Mineral Fusion Nail Polish Remover, wait 1-2 minutes, and then squeeze and pull-off. Your polish will slide off your nails, with little to no scrubbing required!

Glass Nail File

Did you know that using a glass nail file like this one can improve nail strength? Regular use has shown to strengthen and harden nails allowing you to grow longer nails! It takes a little getting used to, but I’ve definitely noticed a difference since making the switch to a glass file. (And if you want one for free, ask me about hosting a Nail Bar!)

Bliss Kiss Simply Pure Cuticle & Nail Oil

Over a thousand rave reviews on Amazon can’t be wrong! I have always had weak nails due to an underlying health condition, so after reading about Bliss Kiss Simply Pure Cuticle & Nail Oil, I had to give it a try. It definitely delivers! And the convenient pens are great for taking with you anywhere you go. Pro tip to cuticle pickers like myself — keep this bad boy with you so when anxiety strikes and you get the urge to pick, you can grab this bad boy instead and apply it forming a new habit! (I bought the multipack so I can keep one in my purse, my desk, next to my bed, and in my travel bag!)

Nail care is essential to having a great long-lasting manicure! Of course I don’t buy my polish on Amazon — if you want to know more about that, just ask me about my nails! 

Dear Washington Post: I Built a Business and Lasting Friendships with Multi-Level Marketing

A Washington Post article making the rounds right now claims that multi-level marketing (MLM, or network marketing) organizations are ruining female friendships. The author cited a few specific stories of bad examples, and those who don’t see the value in the MLM business model quickly shared it with glee while relating their own stories about that one time someone misled them with a sales pitch.

I’m not going to deny that some people in network marketing businesses operate without morals and use tactics that, quite frankly, suck. And when that happens, it makes everyone in the industry look bad.

But there are people in EVERY industry who do their jobs in a way that makes their field look bad. Ever heard a lawyer joke? Know any lawyers who aren’t ambulance-chasing snakes? Yes? Me too. In fact, most of the lawyers I know are honest and moral business men and women. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever actually met an ambulance chaser. Ever.

Similarly, despite the Washington Post portrait of people in MLM, I have met many honest, hard-working, strong, wonderful women through my experiences with network marketing. I joined my first network marketing company after the birth of my third child. My family had relocated to the Philadelphia area a year before, and I worked from home prior to his birth. I knew very few people in the area, and I was lonely and looking for a way to get out of my house.

That first company opened a door for me. It got me to step out of my comfort zone. I signed up to be a vendor at community events, and I joined networking groups. Most importantly, I made friends — most of whom I’m still connected with now.

After a few years, I moved on, but my friendships remained because they were built on more than just a sales pitch. I had built real relationships with good people both inside and outside the industry. And when the time came, when one of those friends presented another network marketing opportunity that fit with my life and values, I jumped on it.

I can’t speak for all network marketers, only for myself and how I coach my team to succeed. My philosophy is pretty simple: don’t be a jerk. Treat people the way you want to be treated in business and in life, no matter what business you’re in. It’s a simple philosophy that has helped me simultaneously build my business and my friendships.

How Becoming an Independent Color Street Stylist Helped Me Get My Groove Back

Never Say Never

When I started this blog I talked about how Network Marketing brought me to Networking. While that initial business, and a second, had both gone by the wayside, I still loved the community I built through it, and I continued to support my friends in their network marketing businesses. I honestly never though I would return to it, but never say never!

Last spring I was having coffee with a good friend when she told me about being approached to join a soon-to-be-launched company called Color Street. She told me a little about it, and while the thought of being part of something from the beginning intrigued me, I didn’t think the opportunity was for me. But I was truly excited for her and promised to support her in any way that I could!

A few weeks later, after she had officially signed on as a Presidential Founder, she hosted an exclusive preview party of the new product. I kept my promise and went to show my support.

And then I actually tried the product, a strip made of real nail polish that went on dry, and I went from intrigued to sold!

A New Adventure Begins

In June of 2017, Color Street officially launched with me as one of their Independent Founding Stylists. I was so excited to get started because I truly loved the product and knew that it would appeal to busy moms like me, but also because I knew this business had potential. In my opinion, for a direct sales product to be successful, it has to meet three criteria:

1) Be Marketable

2) Be Consumable

3) Have Perceived Value

Color Street met all my criteria! The product appeals to anyone who likes to have their nails painted, which according to Statista.com is over 105 million women in the United States. The nail industry is an almost $9 billion industry. Is there a market for this product? YES!

Second, I wanted a product that was consumable. In my past experience I had partnered with a company that had a super-fun product that I loved selling, and for my first few months in the business, I was a top seller in the company. But the product was a one-and-done purchase. Unless you were buying for others, or wanted a slightly different style, repeat buyers were difficult to capture. While you should always be looking for new customers, repeat buyers are an important part of any business, and the constant prospecting for new customers can be daunting. Nail polish doesn’t last forever, and our nail polish strips are fun, fast, and easy, so repeat buyers are the bread and butter of my business!

My last criteria is value. I was only going back to direct sales if I could stand behind the value of the product. A one-time-use package of Color Street nail polish strips costs $11 – $14, but with the ongoing Buy 3 Get 1 Free special, you can get four sets for less than $40, averaging at less than $10 per manicure, which is about the same price as a bottle of nail polish. But it is way less than a traditional salon manicure, which averages around $20 in the United States. And many customers are able to do a complete manicure and pedicure from one package. Also, what’s your time worth? As a working mom of three, I don’t have time to wait for my nails to dry. With Color Street, I can do my nails in 10 minutes before I go to bed. And with no dry time, I can pull up the covers and go right to sleep without worry that the bedding will mess up my polish.

A Year Later

It’s officially been a year since I launched my Color Street business, and what a year it’s been. There were unexpected challenges in my personal life including the unexpected passing of my father, helping my mother navigate her new role as a widow, the hospitalization of my oldest son, and a diagnosis of dyslexia for my daughter. Despite these things and others, my business has thrived! I have grown a team of over 500 amazing Stylists and in July of 2018 our team’s lifetime sales volume surpassed $1 million! And we are just getting started!

Also in July 2018 Color Street held their annual conference in Las Vegas. I was invited to share my story of how Color Street has affected my life. In a nutshell, it gave me my groove back. I never intended to be a full-time stay-at-home-mom, but life had other plans when it gave me my son Bobby. Over the years, I’ve struggled with my identity and self-worth. My business has allowed me to see myself as more, to regain my prior confidence, to find purpose in helping other men and women succeed, and to be the women I know I’m meant to be while still being the mom I need to be. (To see my full speech, click here.)

Curious? Ask Me About My Nails!

Half of you are reading this and thinking, “Oh, great, now all the content is just going to be about her business. Girl, bye!” Let me assure that won’t be the case. The blog started as a forum to share badassery and celebrate moms who get shit done, and this business is just one aspect of my badass life. I’ll still be talking special needs, sandwich generation, raising little humans, and all the things. But yes, there will be a few posts about this business too.

The other half of you are reading this and thinking, “What if?” And to you I say, “Why not?” If you want to learn about the business without actually talking to me, join my Facebook group, Ask Me About My Nails, and start stalking the business there. If you’re ready to learn more, let’s chat. I promise I’m not pushy or salesy. I’m real, and I’m honest, and I’m the first to understand if you say it’s not for you. I’d love you just as much as a customer or a hostess as I would as a Stylist on my team.

If you take nothing else from this post, don’t overlook an opportunity in front of you, no matter what it is. Don’t let your circumstances allow you to pass by something that could be amazing. Don’t let fear stand in your way. The most amazing things happen on the outside of our comfort zones. That thing you’ve been thinking about doing that you just haven’t pulled the trigger on yet could be the one that helps you get your groove back too!

Choosing My Motherhood

I remember sitting with my friends for our first girls’ weekend about eight months after my oldest son was born with all of his challenges. It was the first time since his stay in the neonatal intensive care nursery that I had been away from him overnight, and I was relieved and grateful for the getaway.
 
Over the previous months, I’d heard the platitudes over and over… I don’t know how you do it… You’re so strong… You’re an inspiration. I didn’t believe any of them, but I politely said, thank you.
 
But that weekend I heard those things from my three best friends, and the words stung. I replied back, “What other choice do I have? It’s not like I can walk away!”
 
“Yes, you could,” one friend replied, “but you don’t.”

Was that true? Did I really have a choice?

About a year after my son was born, I made another choice, or rather presented that choice to my husband for him to decide. We would stop, and our son would be an only child, or we would have two more children. Because of my life as an only child with a mother who had her own medical needs, it became very important to me that our second child have an ally when things got tough as I knew they inevitably would.
 
Fast forward, and now I’m the mom of three. A choice I made with them in mind, without taking my own wants and needs into account. Not realizing that at the end of the day, I was choosing a life I wasn’t sure I actually wanted.
 
Motherhood is hard for me. I don’t love it. I absolutely love these three humans I helped create, but each day it’s a choice I make to step into the role of being a mother, to take on that title, and to do that job.

Each day I choose not to walk away.

Self-care is a hot topic in the mom community and especially the special needs mom community, many talking about not having the time or ability for self-care, or lamenting that a pedicure isn’t going to make their life better.
 
And I agree, to a degree. Self-care is more than a pedicure. Truly caring for yourself is an individual act of kindness and gratitude to yourself, and it may require you to do things you’ve never done before, or that others might look down on.

For me, self-care looks like this:

Self-care is admitting that motherhood is hard for me, and accepting that it is okay for me to not like being a mom despite society telling me otherwise.
 
Self-care is working and paying for childcare because being the default parent 24/7 is detrimental to my mental health.
 
Self-care is flying in my mother-in-law up to help with my kids so I can travel to a conference in California and learn and laugh with women who get me and my struggle.
 
Self-care is making time to fill my cup and realizing it was emptier than I thought and that I might need to fill it more often.
 
Self-care is recognizing that it’s not too late to do the things that I dreamed of doing, and that my children seeing me take steps towards those dreams is not selfish, but a life-lesson.
  
Somewhere over the years the definition of motherhood became synonymous with martyrdom and selfless became the opposite of selfish. I’m not buying into either. Yes, there’s a level of sacrifice that comes with being a mother, but we don’t have to lose ourselves completely. I tell my daughter that she can do anything if she takes action and does the work, why can’t the same be true for me? And why does society think it’s wrong if I give myself the same encouragement that I give her? It’s not.

I’m doubling down on and.

I can be a good mother and not love motherhood.

I can be a good mother and work towards my dreams.

I can be a good mother and live a fulfilled life outside of motherhood.

I can be a mother without being a martyr.
I can be both selfless and selfish.
I can be my own version of motherhood.

My 2018 Word for the Year: Nourish

Last year, I jumped on the bandwagon of replacing resolutions with selecting a word for the year. My word for 2017 was freedom, and for the first half of the year, I embraced it and let it guide me. I wrote openly and honestly, I followed my heart, and I sought new opportunities that helped me find the freedom to be me.

And then, on July 10th, my Dad died. I became the peanut butter in the sandwich generation, shifting immediately into caretaker mode for my mother who has her own health issues, and my freedom to think, write, act, and follow my own path took a backseat to all the things that had to be done, and to the people who needed me.

If you’ve ever taken one of those quizzes that identifies your personality type, mine is NOT caretaker. It’s not even close to caretaker. It’s not something that comes easily to me at all. However, it’s something I’ve been doing for 12 years since the birth of my first son with special needs, so I’ve adapted and learned to do what doesn’t come easily, but that doesn’t mean I like it.

And when life hands me something I don’t like, I get overwhelmed, and I shut down. I procrastinate. I don’t take care of myself. I ruminate. I obsess. I don’t sleep. I eat like crap. I get stuck in the downward spiral of my monkey mind, and I let negativity win.

I noticed myself making more impulse buys. I was binge eating again. I was dropping the ball, often. I didn’t follow through on commitments. I also felt like total crap. I got sick. My body wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy. And I’m still not happy.

I don’t always practice what I preach, and when a friend is stuck with something, I’ll often say, “You can be bitter, or you can be better.” Lately though, I’ve been bitter.

Now it’s time to be better.

And by better, I mean better to myself.

Nourish

Why did I choose nourish as my word?

I sat with myself and thought of all the things I wanted to gain from this coming year. Words that emerged were: grounded, balance, self-care, success, rest, and choice.

I looked at those, and it was obvious that I needed to focus on bringing myself back to center, but I also launched a new business in 2017 that is thriving. And if I want that growth to continue, it will need more of my attention. What word could support that growth and success, but also support my self-care?

And that’s when I found nourish. Nourish fit all that I’m hoping to achieve in 2018.

I will nourish myself. I’ll nourish my body with healthier food choices, and more regular physical activity, and with more rest.

I will nourish my soul by exploring new spiritual practices and making time to meditate. My soul also longs to explore new places, and nourishing my wanderlust is important, so I will find ways to travel more.

I will also nourish my business. I’ll focus on opportunities, and when presented with them, I will ask the questions, “Does this nourish my business? Will this help me grow?” I’ll also nourish the team I’ve built with training and encouragement.

In addition, I need to nourish the relationships in my life. The time I spend with my children — is it meaningful? Does it nourish our relationship? My relationship with my husband has lacked intimacy, so I will look at ways I can nourish that need as well. And my friendships… I did a lot of taking from my friends in 2017. I needed them, and they were there for me. Now I will return that favor and nourish those relationships that mean the most to me.

When I break down all the ways I can add nourishment, it actually seems like a bit too much. Can I really add all of this to my life this year? But the truth is that even if each area is only improved in small way, I’ll be more satisfied with my life, and I will be happier. Nourishing the areas that have been neglected will only make me better, and life is too short to be bitter.

4 Ways to Be Kind to Yourself

It’s National Kindness Day. Personally, I think everyday should be National Kindness Days. Kindness matters. It feels like there is a lot of negativity in the world, and spreading a little love each day is one way I try to to balance the constant negative noise.

But as much as I do my best to do some small acts of kindness each day, there’s one person with whom my kindness often falls short. Me.

While I’m often the first to remind myself that I don’t know someone else’s story, and to offer grace and compassion instead of being annoyed by someone’s rudeness, I rarely offer myself that same grace and compassion.

I criticize myself constantly. I feed myself full of negative thoughts about everything from what I’m wearing, to how much I weigh, to how much I yell at my kids, to really anything about my looks/work/parenting/life in which I can possibly find fault.

It’s exhausting and unproductive and is seriously a big downer. So I’ve started focusing on ways I can be kind to myself.

Here are four ways I have found to be more kind to yourself today and everyday:

1) Accept a compliment.

How often do you accept a compliment without a qualifier? For example if someone tells you that you like great, do you say, “Oh, really? I feel like a slob. I really need to get my roots done, and I didn’t even shower today, and this shirt is like ten years old — it’s even missing a button right here — I really am just a hot mess of a mom.”

I know, I do it too.

What you should say is, “Thank you.” That’s it. It’s kind to let someone else pay you a compliment.

2) Slow down.

I’m most stressed when I have a long to-do list, and that stress usually leads to me rushing, and that rushing usually leads to more stress, and that leads to feeling overwhelmed, and that leads me making mistakes and missing things, and that leads to feeling like a burned out failure.

When this starts to happen, I have to stop and remind myself that not everything has to be done immediately. If I slow down and take a moment, I can focus on what needs to be done, release the sense of overwhelm, and set myself up for success when I tackle the tasks that must be completed.

3) Make time for something you love.

As moms, we constantly being told about self-care. “Put your oxygen mask on first!” But seriously, you need to do a little something that you love. Motherhood is not synonymous with martyrdom. When you became a mom, you didn’t stop being you. Even if you can find just five minutes a day to do something you enjoy — read a celebrity gossip article, listen to your favorite song, sit quietly in silence before the kids get off the bus — make the time to do one thing you love that is just for you.

4) Forgive yourself.

Beating yourself up for losing your patience with the kids this morning? Stop and think about it this way: what would you say to your best friend if she was saying the same things about herself that you’re saying about yourself? I would tell my friend that parenting is hard, and some days are harder than others, and we all lose our patience now and then. Bad moments don’t make bad moms. Take a breath, and try again.

As I said earlier, kindness matters. Being kind to yourself is one way to show yourself that you matter too.

This is a Political Post, but it’s NOT What You Think

I rarely get political on public forums. And we can debate at another time about whether or not that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but let’s just say it’s my thing right now. But, today, I’m getting a little bit political.

Today, Senators Markey (D-MA) and Capito (R-WV) introduced a bill to ensure that students who are deafblind are provided the fundamental supports they need in order to receive an appropriate education. My oldest son, by definition, is deafblind. This piece of legislation is extremely important to my family.

The Cogswell-Macy Act, named after Alice Cogswell, the first deaf student to be formally educated in the United States, and Anne Sullivan Macy, Helen Keller’s famous teacher, was introduced earlier this year in the House of Represenatatives by Congressman Matt Cartwright (PA-17) and Congressman David McKinley (WV-1). If signed into law, this legislation will ensure that students who are deafblind, blind, visually impaired, or deaf or hard of hearing receive the expert instruction and services they need to succeed in school and beyond.

This Act would ensure that all students who are blind or visually impaired receive the state-of-the-art services and skills, provided by trained teachers. Likewise, it would ensure that students who are deafblind or deaf or hard of hearing are served by qualified personnel who can meet their distinct learning needs.

In addition, this legislation requires states to identify, locate, and evaluate children who are blind, visually impaired, deaf or hard of hearing, or deafblind, regardless of whether they have additional disabilities. Children with sensory disabilities are not always identified properly, especially if they have additional disabilities. This means that these students may not have their learning needs fully evaluated, which impacts the resources that are allocated to addressing their needs. The Cogswell-Macy Act would require states to provide meaningful data about students who are deafblind, blind, visually impaired, or deaf or hard of hearing, regardless of whether they may have additional disabilities. This will expand knowledge about the quality of special education and related services they receive. Having such data will also allow for ongoing improvement of programs for students with sensory disabilities.

For my son, THIS IS HUGE!!!

We are fortunate that we live in a wealthy school district, and my son receives many of the services that this bill will require. Was it easy to get these services? Absolutely not. I did a lot of research, attended trainings, communicated with experts in the field of deafblindness, and advocated LIKE A MOTHER to get them for him. I don’t take for granted that my son has the services he has because I have a background in research, a personality for negotiation, and the time and resources to do the work required right now to get these services. Even with my knowledge and effort, these services are not guaranteed. I know of equally educated and dedicated parents in other school districts in other states who are still being denied the appropriate resources for their children. Why? Because it’s technically not the law.

But it will be… if the Senate passes this bill, the law will change.

You can help! Please contact your Senators (you can look up their contact information here) and ask them to support The Cogswell-Macy Act. My friends have even helped write a handy script for you to use when you make the call or send the email:

My name is [name] and I’m a resident of [city, state]. I’m calling to ask Senator [name] to support the Cogswell-Macy Act. I support this bill because it will improve access to important and necessary education and services for children who are blind or visually impaired, deaf or hard of hearing, or deafblind. I am hoping I can count on Senator [name]’s support. Please let me know [his or her] position on this bill.

Today, and always, I’m inspired by the words of Helen Keler, “Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” Please join together with me and ask your Senator to support The Cogswell-Macy Act.

A Marvelous Night for a Moondance

I have always loved the moon and felt connected to it. I can’t exactly tell you why, but I’m a night person, and there’s nothing better to me than laying on the ground and staring up in the night sky, especially if you are far away from the city lights.

Despite this love for all things lunar, I’ve never really studied the moon, nor do I know off the top of my head it’s phase. Usually though I can feel when the full moon is near based on certain events. So today, when a voice from my past called, I suspected something was cosmically afoot.

Then a post by a friend linking to an article about tonight’s Full Frost Moon, also known as the Mourning Moon brought tied all the pieces together saying “your psyche could probably use a little love and attention.” And damn if that ain’t the truth!

The article on Refinery29 laid out four specific areas, and I’ve decided to take each one and share what I’ll be doing to transition to this next lunar phase.

1) Consider how you mourn.

Ahhh, mourning. You would think I’ve done a lot of that lately with the loss of my father that was followed by the loss of a friend and just this past week the loss of my husband’s friend. But I haven’t. I haven’t really allowed myself to sit with my emotions. So tonight, I’m committing to a good cry.

2) Brave the cold.

We had a relatively warm day here in the northeast U.S., but as I mentioned about, getting outside to observe the night sky is one of my favorite things, and it’s something I haven’t done in… damn, I can’t even remember the last time I just stopped and went outside to look at the sky. So tonight, I’ll step outside.

3) Cleanse.

Everything in my life feels cluttered right now. My brain, my house, my work, my body. I’m holding on to so much, and I’ve been feeling the need to cleanse. Just this week I started a class on Facebook to help clear my chakras and raise my vibe. (Don’t act surprised. I just told you earlier that I feel the moon. You know I’m one of those woo-woo chicks.) Anyway, step one in the week long class was to clear the energy. Did I? No. I have a brand new blessed sage smudge stick, but my house is so cluttered that I don’t even want to cleanse the energy. But maybe if I cleansed the energy, I’d clean up the damn house. So tonight, I’ll be lighting that sage.

4) Send a message.

This one starts off with, “full moons bring personal truths to light — even those we keep closest to the vest.” Then it talks about sharing how you really feel with a friend or loved one, and then it says, “and don’t overlook those who have already passed on.” Oh, shit. This is the Mourning Moon after all, which appears to be the perfect time to say the things I wish I could have said to my dad. So tonight, I’m writing my dad a letter.

I believe the universe brings us what we need when we need it, and it’s up to us to see those things and accept or ignore them. Tonight I’ll honor the signs and honor the moon.

The Craptastic Summer of 2017

Question: Where’ve you been, Lynne?

Answer: In short, I’ve been the star of my own shit-show!

Okay, maybe I’m being dramatic, but the summer of 2017 definitely ranks in the bottom five summers of my life.

In July I lost my Dad. He was 64 years old and died of a massive heart-attack. As soon as I heard my mom say through tears over the phone that she had bad news, I knew what she was about to tell me. And in that moment, my universe shifted. It’s a long story, but the short version is that I became peanut butter. Yes, peanut butter. Have you heard of the sandwich generation? Well I’m now the sticky glob of peanut butter in the middle, stuck on one side raising my own young children, and now stuck to caring for my mother too.

And quite frankly, it sucks.

Supposedly there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I’ve been stuck on anger for about three months. I’m pissed off. I’m mad at my dad for not taking better care of himself. I’m mad at him for assuming he would outlive my mom. And I’m really mad at him for leaving at a time when our relationship wasn’t as strong as it had been. And these three reasons are only the tip of the iceberg. Oh, and I’m not just mad at my dad… I’m kind of mad at everyone lately. So I’m super fun to be around! I won’t bore you with all of it, that’s what my therapist is for, but I’ve come to realize that I was holding on to a lot of resentment and anger long before he died, and his sudden death just brought all that to the surface.

I’m an only child, and my mom has a lot of medical issues of her own, so that has added to the ooey-gooey-ness of my new peanut butter life because there’s no jelly in this sandwich to help me. I know there are many reasons people only have one child, and my parents tried for more, but they were unsuccessful due to my mom’s medical problems. However, the past few months have reaffirmed my own decision to have three children because dealing with this stuff on your own sucks.

(Side note: I really need to find more synonyms for sucks.)

I had absolutely no idea how estates worked prior to this experience. While I’ve been to my fair share of funerals for family members, and friends’ family members, and even a few friends, my dad is the first person in my immediate circle to die. So this is the first time I have had to do the work. I became the executrix (a word that sounds a lot more fun than the actual job) of my dad’s estate, and started diving into the craziness of his finances, property, and other estate matters. The last time I had a crash-course like this was when my first son was born, and I had to suddenly become an expert in genetics, and all things medical and special needs, and this baptism by fire is almost as much fun as that one.

But what sucks most of all in the middle of all this overwhelming shit that I now have to deal with, is that I haven’t actually dealt with the most important thing. My dad is gone. Typing that makes me cry, but then I choke the tears back because I know I just don’t have time to be sad right now. And that fact itself makes me more sad and more mad.

About a month after we buried my dad, my oldest was scheduled for surgery – a lengthening procedure to extend the growing rods that correct his scoliosis. He has these every 6-9 months, and this was his 5th surgery for this condition, but 2 of the previous 4 resulted in post-op infections. So even though the procedure itself is pretty straightforward and only requires an overnight hospital stay for IV antibiotics, we always hold our breath a little until about two weeks after the surgery.

Two weeks and one day after surgery, he spiked a 104 degree fever, became lethargic, and developed a huge bulge of fluid under his incision. He was admitted that day, started IV antibiotics and was back in the OR the next day to clean out the infection. We spent a week at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, coming home the day before school started.

Thankfully this infection wasn’t like the last two — this was a different bacteria, just under the skin and not down in the hardware, so it was much easier to treat and didn’t require long-term IV antibiotics. In fact, he only need oral antibiotics for a month. So even though it was an unexpected setback, it could have been much worse.

In mid-September though, we took a break from everything, rented a house in North Carolina on the intercostal waterway, took the kids out of school for a few days, and got some much needed respite from reality. But unfortunately between the hospital stay and the vacation, I let things slide. The three weeks since returning home have been a blur, and while that blur included some awesomeness like a trip to attend the Type-A Parent blogger conference, things have continued to pile up, and I’m feeling even more overwhelmed by all the things on my figurative plate, and by the actual piles on my desk.

When I get overwhelmed, I shut down and can’t deal. I quit. I don’t go to bed when I should, and instead I scroll Facebook for hours exhausting myself by essentially doing nothing. Because I have no idea where to start. I look for easy fixes, and spend more time on those than the actual task would take. I also have no impulse control. (I’m looking at you, Amazon purchases, and you, entire batch of brownies I ate.) And when I’m overwhelmed, I don’t write.

So publishing this post is a big step for me. This post has been in my head and heart for a while now. I worried though… about talking about it. I worried what my mom would think when I talked about being angry with my dad, and how I’m feeling overwhelmed by caring for his estate and, by default, for her. We don’t talk about the hard things in our family. And maybe that is part of my problem. I don’t even know if she’ll read this, but in the end, I wrote this post for me, not her.

Grief is a funny thing. Even though people talk about stages, those stages don’t happen in sequence, and they never end. I’m trying to allow myself grace through this. To forgive myself for being angry, and show compassion for myself when I feel overwhelmed. It’s not easy, but I’m trying. And really, that’s all I can do.

Celebrating My Work Anniversary

I just celebrated my 12th anniversary at my job. Twelve-years! It really is an accomplishment, isn’t it? How many people do you know who have been in the same job for twelve years?

This job was the one I always thought I wanted. It took me almost a year to even be considered for it, and then another eight-and-a-half months for me to get the offer. And when that day finally came, I was so excited. This was it! I was going to have everything I dreamed of having!

Quickly though I learned that the reality of my dream job was far from the picture I had in my head. Even though I had read about the job, talked to others in the position, and felt like I did my research about my future employer, things did not go as planned.

The first day on the job was crazy! For starters, I was asked to start four weeks earlier than I had anticipated. At first I didn’t mind, because I was really excited, but that first day was nothing like I had expected it to be. Nothing went according to the plan I had made, and when that day was over, I was left in a haze wondering what I had missed in the job description. I found out my first month would be spent at an on-site location, something I definitely had not planned to do. Friends were calling and asking about my new job, and I had no idea what to tell them. I think I was a little in shock about how different it was from how I thought it would be.

The next few months brought on more challenges. Off-site appointments I had not anticipated. Team members who regularly came in to work with my new boss, and to teach me how to work with him. It was really stressful, but I knew I couldn’t quit! This was the job I always wanted after all. I knew I had to do my best.

But after about six months, I recognized I needed help. I was working so hard, staying up late doing additional research, still attending many extra appointments and continuing to work with experts in the field to get additional training. I finally asked one of those experts about support for people in my role. Thankfully there was a group of others in my job with similar experiences that I was able to connect with. They helped me realize that even though my job was different, I was still doing really well at it, and they taught me new ways to handle the day to day. Without their support, I might have quit, but I stuck it out.

A few years into the job I got another boss. Now I had to report to two people! This second boss was more typical, although still demanding. At first working with her seemed a lot easier, but as the years went on, I found that while the challenges of working with her were completely different from working with my first boss, she still could make my life difficult when she wanted to.

And then almost five years ago, I got a third boss. Yep. I report to three different people right now. Some days it makes me wonder what the hell I was thinking when I agreed to do this, but other days I realize my third boss is kind of my favorite. (I know, you aren’t supposed to say that in the workplace, but it’s true.)

Are there days I think about looking for a new job? Yep. I do. I love my bosses, but this is the most demanding job I have ever done! Before this, the longest I held a job was four years. And that job gave me four weeks of paid vacation! This job… um, there’s no paid time off. I did start taking a little more time off recently, and that has helped me stay focused on my role in the company when I get back to work. Sometimes it’s good to step away to gain some perspective and remember why you love your job.

Yes, twelve years ago, I got the job. My title? Mom. Sometimes also referred to as Mama, Mommy, Mother or Mum. And in my case, I got the extra title of Special Needs Mom to my first boss, my son with a rare chromosome six deletion who has multiple physical and intellectual disabilities. This job hasn’t been anything like I expected, and I don’t always love it. But my bosses are pretty cool, and I love them with all my heart, so I will keep showing up.